


Promises

by bandgrad2008



Category: iCarly
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-31
Updated: 2012-03-31
Packaged: 2017-11-02 20:36:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/373082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bandgrad2008/pseuds/bandgrad2008
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What are promises but whispers in the darkness?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_Es tan corto el amor, y tan largo el olvido. (Love is so short, and forgetting is so long.) -Pablo Neruda_

_The sun hangs low in the sky, the clouds outlined against the darkening orange sky, faint traces of blue like spider webs. A slight breeze brushes the leaves of trees and the grass that surrounds two teenagers, their bodies intertwined as promises of forever are mere whispers against their skin. They know they won't be bothered here, not today, not when they'll be here barely a night before they separate and leave this secret behind. With only the moon and the grass as their witnesses, the lovers divide before their presence is discovered by the chilling wind, and they disappear into the night, promises of forever on their lips and on their skin._

The cool metal of the bench is stiff beneath her as she dreams of what once was; her eyes closed against the bright glow of the moon, the wind soft against her skin. She remembers the whispers of promises, the ghosts of her words poisoning her lips after so long. The wish to forget is strong but useless, and she cries silently, her tears glistening in the moonlight. She hears the soft thuds of footsteps against the concrete steps and wipes her face quickly to hide the evidence of her sorrow.

Her visitor sits on the cold bench a step below hers, his back to her as he closes his eyes and takes a slow, breaking breath. He comes here to cry, much like she does, although for a different reason. They never speak to one another, although their thoughts are clear and completely understood. Agonizing moments pass before she finally glances at him, his broad shoulders shaking with every breath, and she takes in his brunette hair, the memories flooding back from that same tint that haunted her every dream.

_The moon is high in the sky above the three teenagers who dared trespass where they didn't belong at such an hour, the trio cuddled together on a bench under a single blanket, one oblivious of the secret that hangs between the other two. The night is silent, save their whispers and promises of forever, two different meanings hidden in their words. Night after night, the three would come here to forget the rest of the world, the undeniable pressures that push them into insanity each and every day, and when one left, the other two would join as one, their promises prominent in the darkness._

The brunette boy wipes away his tears before he turns to his only company, the blonde girl, her blue eyes shimmering with her own cold tears, and it's the first time his eyes have ever met hers since they first came out here without their friend. For so long, the night held their secrets, their silent misery, and never once had his eyes ever set on hers, or his mouth ever opened with words.

"You loved her…didn't you?"

And those words she had never spoken aloud, except when she was with her lover in the dead of night, come from his mouth with the worst hint of sadness, and he knows. He's figured it out after all this time, as if it matters anymore, and she can't respond. She doesn't know how to tell him that she still does, that she'll never love anyone like she loved her.

Because it doesn't matter anymore, those days are gone by an outside force that didn't want them to make any more promises to each other in the night, which wanted to destroy their secret, as if it would have been their destruction. She doesn't speak at first, her eyes searching his red eyes, his unshaved jaw, the barely visible scars littering his face, and she knows how the guilt he feels, the guilt she wishes she could feel, if it had been her instead.

"I still do."

She knows he understands because he loved her once, when all of this happened, and they had been shadows behind him, making their own love known to one another, and he had lost one to the other. He knows it's true, it's the ultimate truth that he's been hiding behind his own hopes and dreams, and he can't pretend anymore. He never had her to begin with.

"I loved her, Sam…I thought she loved me too."

And she knows he's honest with himself and with her, and that he wanted so desperately for her to be his, but this was also his fault, or so he had said, but the blonde didn't believe that anymore. They both lost to each other and to no one. He shakes his head, and she notices the tears forming in his eyes.

_The phone rings an upbeat tune, specifically selected by her lover, although the meaning is unknown to the world and those who hear it, and she smiles to herself, those words of promise on the tip of her tongue when she answers the phone, but her smile dissolves when she realizes her promises mean nothing anymore. Every hope and dream is obliterated, as if it never existed, and she hangs up with only three words. Her truck doesn't go nearly fast enough, and she makes it there too late, blaming herself for not being able to make one last promise._

_He's sitting in the waiting room, small cuts bandaged on his face, and he doesn't speak to her, as if he's lost in his own mind because he knows this is his fault, even if it isn't, and she doesn't blame him. She could never blame him, even if he was the one driving, if he had led them into the fiery pits of hell, she would never blame him. The only thing any of them was at fault for was_ her _for leaving them._

"I miss her, Sam."

She knows, more than anything she knows, and that's what makes everything so much harder to forget. They can't move on, they can't get over her because she's the one thing that held everything together, her promises shared between them, the promises that mean nothing and never will.

_"We'll always be together forever, Sam…I promise."_


	2. Chapter 2

They want to forget the broken, unfulfilled, empty promises that hang between them like frozen rain, the words biting into their memories as if they were rabid dogs, and they can do nothing. Their attempts at hiding their pain and their sorrow are useless, tearing them apart piece by piece, leaving them damaged and lost. They stand beside the casket, the beautiful gleam of the stainless steel frame nothing compared to the white porcelain skin within, brunette hair brushed perfectly, chocolate eyes closed forever.

They don't understand why this happened, why she had to be taken from them, leaving both of them behind with her promises. But there's nothing they can do, except live without the only person either of them had ever truly loved, and neither of them had had the courage to face the only remaining Shay until this day, when they joined the handful of mourners allowed in the privacy of this room. Near the door stands Spencer Shay, his eyes bloodshot from long nights without sleep. This moment never passed through his mind, or at least he didn't think he'd be here this soon, the lifeless teenaged body of his younger sibling barely ten feet away.

His tired eyes watch the two unmoving teenagers toward the front of the room, both of them fighting unwanted tears as they avoid the other's eyes. The three don't want to speak, afraid they'll be in the wrong of doing so, fear grasping them tightly like a noose around their necks. The blonde broke first, wiping her wet eyes and cheeks with the back of her hand, and she leaves the room, the two men staring at their feet. They can't be here, and they know this hurts her worse than them.

Sam sits on the steps of the funeral home, her arms wrapped around her knees and her face buried, hidden from those she wishes couldn't see her, wanting to be invisible to escape the sympathetic stares and false words underlying pity. She wants out of the prison of her mind, to forget she's been here, to have others forget she's been here, but she can't. She's a captive in plain sight, free to do anything but what her heart wishes her to do. And it isn't fair for her, to be left behind, while her best friend, her lover is passed on, moved on from her and the rest of this cruel world that means little or nothing to her alone.

_The two teenagers lounge quietly on the porch swing in Yakima, Spencer and Granddad Shay's voices raised from within the house, the older man's hatred of the former delinquent evident in his voice. Even though they live and love in secret, they allow themselves the satisfaction of disobeying orders, the blonde enjoying the deliberate defiance of the younger Shay, who had called her and asked her to travel here, to avoid the uncomfortable insomnia she faces in the absence of her lover. However, this was unforeseen by her grandfather and completely unacceptable, and he wants the blonde to disappear, both from Yakima and from his grandchildren's lives forever._

_The lovers ignore the argument taking place in the kitchen, both knowing that any passerby would be aware of their hidden secret, their unspoken promise to each other, but they would deny every question asked of them. Their promises of forever are enough, whether someone knows of them or not, they don't care either way. Carly's head rests on Sam's shoulder, her fingers playing with the silver chain around Sam's neck, tracing the chilled white gold ring through the blonde girl's shirt, the meaning of that small piece of jewelry a secret and a promise between them, unbeknownst by the rest of the world. The brunette wears a matching promise around her neck, hers hidden beneath her shirt, cooling her pale skin._

_"We'll always be together, Sam…I promise."_

The breeze is chilly against her bare arms, and she hugs her knees tighter, the reminder of the promise hanging loosely around her neck as it has been for so long, the same promise that is now wrapped around the lifeless left ring finger of her former lover. She absently touches the ring through her shirt, ignoring the boy who sits beside her, his hand on her shoulder. He notices her fingers' movements and sighs quietly.

"How long were you together?"

His tone suggests he doesn't want to ask, but he can't stop himself, and the question is past his lips. And she doesn't want to answer him, but the promises and the secrets can no longer be kept now that he knows. He reaches for the chain around her neck, gently unclasping it and removing the ring before rejoining the ends of the silver chain. He examines the ring closely, taking note of Carly's name engraved in the white gold, before slipping it onto her left ring finger.

"Three years."

And he nearly chokes, as if he was expecting a time period much shorter, but Sam isn't joking, her eyes locked on the ring that is now visible on her finger. Three years of promises, of secrets, of shared love, of forever between them, ended by an outside force, destroying whatever immortality they had wished to have. She wipes her eyes with the back of her hand, hiding all evidence of her tears.

"Why did she agree?"

Sam glances at his face. His now shaved jaw reveals the invisible scars he's been hiding, and if she thinks about it hard enough, she can imagine the windshield shattering and striking pain in his unprotected skin. She knows what he's asking her. _Why did she agree to go on a date with me if she was with you?_ She had been asking herself that for days, why Carly had agreed, why she had promised she would only ever be Sam's, forever.

"I don't know."

He shakes his head, his left hand combing through his hair dramatically. He isn't happy with that answer, and neither is she, but it's the only answer they have. _Is it better to give up and pretend, or to hang on and hurt?_ Freddie had only asked himself that same question for years, whether he should pretend he didn't love Carly, or hang on to her when she didn't love him back. And when she'd said she'd loved him, he believed it, and it had hurt Sam in the end.

_"Forever...forever…forever…I promise…"_


End file.
